just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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