U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
