I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
