Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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