What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
