She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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