she sounds like chewbacca in bed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
