I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My hand turned me down
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
