dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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