He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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