he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
