; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
