Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
sarcasm needs its own font
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
