rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
