no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
