I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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