I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
