Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
ttyl tear gas
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's blow job season.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
