I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
