I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
