dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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