And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
