There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize