I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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