Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wish I only lived at night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
