you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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