Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
