GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
