the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
