Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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