I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize