i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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