she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
