I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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