So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
