I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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