I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
