Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
