I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
