I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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