Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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