i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
