She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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