so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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