In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
