I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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