Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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