Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
