My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
