Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
