Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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