k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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