Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
