8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
