The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
