I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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