Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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