dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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