I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
