Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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