I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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