We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
