Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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