the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
