Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
