Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
